Wife SwapCullen Edition!
by lovelypurplefairy
Summary: What happens when Alice and Jasper sign the entire family up for Wife Swap? Post BD. All vampires, includes Nessie and Jake. Read if you want a good laugh!
1. Prolouge

**Hey guys!!! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in so long…hopefully I will be updating more that it is summer! Hope you enjoy my new story….ENJOY**

_Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight, SM does….lucky._

(APOV)

I was sitting on the couch with Jasper, watching TV. House was just figuring out the cure to a patients 'mysterious illness when the show cut to commercial. I groaned; ads annoyed me. All the competition to look the best. I was kissing Jasper's neck when I heard, "Up next on 'Wife Swap…'". I gasped, and started bouncing up and down on Jazz's lap.

"What Alice?" he muttered, frustrated from my lack of kissing. I just bounced harder, and sped out of the house, pulling Jasper with me.

"Jasper, will you help me with something? Please?" I begged my puppy dog eyes on maximum.

"Fine…wait, what is it?"

"You'll see," I grinned, before pulling him back into the house and telling him to block his thoughts form Edward. I grabbed a video camera, and explained the situation to him. We crept around the house, taking shots of rooms and people. Bella and Edward, on the piano, Rose and Emmett in the garage, Esme gardening, while Carlisle read a book. Finally, we were done. I cut and pasted shots on my computer, put the tape in an envelope, and sent it on its merry way.

(EdPOV)

Bella and I were reading together, when I heard the postal man pull up. I was expecting a letter from a music store from which I had ordered music. I ran down the stairs, and grabbed the bundle of mail from the mailbox. I flipped through it impatiently, not finding my letter. Ugh. I searched through one more time, reading each letter carefully. Bill for Carlisle, Magazines for Rose, Alice, and Esme…package with a book for Bella, and a letter addressed to the Cullen Family. I looked at the address, not recognizing it, and as I walked in the house, I called to Carlisle, "Do you know this address?"

He came from his study, and shook his head. _Why?_

"I don't know, this is addressed to the whole family though." I heard a thud from upstairs, and then Alice's thought blared.

_Crap! That was not meant for his eyes! What should I do???_

"Alice," I growled. She appeared at the top of the stairs, looking innocent.

"Yes, dear brother?"

"What is this?" I hissed, staring at her. From her thoughts, I assumed it was something bad. She shrugged, danced down the stairs, and pulled it out of my hand. She ripped it open, and scanned it. Her eyes grew wide, and she grinned. She yelled for Jasper, and he came, reading the letter in her hand. He smiled as well.

"Well?" Carlisle asked, a bit impatiently. Alice hesitated, and then thrust the paper into his hands.

"We got accepted into Wife Swap!" she squealed excitedly. Everyone rushed to us, gasping. Bella glared at Alice, and Emmett looked excited. Rose looked interested, Esme looked sad.

"Alice! Humans? But…my control…" Bella gasped, while Jasper nodded next to her.

"Wow! This is awesome! I wanted to doo this too, but because I was grounded, I couldn't…" Emmett rambled, earning a smack from Rose. Renesmee, also looked excited, and I glared at her.

"What, daddy?" It will be fun!" Nessie said. Everyone looked at her, startled. Then Bella relaxed. She came over to Nessie, and hugged her.

"Do you want to do it, sweetie?" Nessie nodded. It was settled, nobody would deny Nessie anything.

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Ground rules, everyone. One- be careful of letting anything vampire-ish slip. 2- We cannot reveal that everyone is married, that would freak the new mom out. Three- be kind, .no fighting. Four- new room assignments. Rose and Alice share a room, Nessie and Bella, share. Emmett and Jasper, share. Edward, you can have your own. If Jake ever comes over, he will share with you, Edward."

Everyone nodded, slightly apprehensive, but also excited. Esme hugged us each in turn. "Who wants to help me write the guide for the new mom? I need ideas!"

We all went to the family room with her, and I thought about what just happened. 8 vampires, 1 half vampire, half human, and one werewolf, with a new human for 2 weeks? This was going to be …interesting.

**What do you think? I need ideas for the Cullen's human identities. I think they will be vegetarians...haha. Anything else you want me to mention?**


	2. Esme's POV

**Thank you for the reviews!**

**Enjoy**

_Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight…blah_

(EsPOV)

I laughed as my family gathered around me, telling me what to write. I nodded as I heard each suggestion, and wrote most of them down. I finished fairly quickly, and read it over.

_Dear New Mom,_

My name is Esme Cullen, and my husband, Carlisle, and I have adopted seven children. Bella, Edward, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, Emmett, and Renesmee(Nessie). We also have a family friend, Jacob Black, who stays at our house quite frequently. Bella, Edward, and Alice are 16, while Rose, Jasper, and Emmett are 17, Nessie is 8, and Jake is 19. Our family is also avid vegetarians. Jake is not, but we don't mind, for I make a separate dinner for him. My day usually begins at 5 am, when I have a little time with Carlisle before he leaves for the hospital. My children usually wake up at 6:30 (except Nessie), or earlier, and they never have any complaints. Nessie goes to the local elementary school, while everyone else goes to high school. Jake is going next to college next year, but he has finished high school. On Friday nights, we have a movie night. We usually watch many movies, everyone gets to pick one. Nessie does not stay up for all of them, but the rest of the children can go to bed whenever they want. Have fun!

Sincerely,

_Esme Cullen_

I nodded, thinking this was a good human lifestyle. I ordered the kids to clean the house, and move their clothes and such into their new rooms. Carlisle helped me pack, and as I was shutting the suitcase, all of my children and my granddaughter filed into the room, holding something behind their backs. Alice spoke, "Esme, we are all giving you going away presents, and I hope you enjoy them. I'll go first."

She stepped forward, and handed me a bag, lined with velvet in the inside for all of my presents. Then she gave me a tape recorder, and I looked at it quizzically. "I recorded everyone's voices; you can listen to it when you miss us."

I hugged her hard, and smiled. Jasper then came up, and handed me a picture of Carlisle and I. We were smiling, our arms around each other, looking into each other's eyes. Jasper gave me a quick hug, as Emmett came forward.

"A joke book, mom. I wrote it." I flipped through the pages, laughing. He gave me a big hug, lifting me off the ground, and I giggled. Rose came up, and handed me a book on gardening.

"For when you get back, "she said smiling. I nodded, wishing I could cry. Edward then said,

"Esme, Bella, Nessie , and I have a joint present. I was the handed a book, filled with drawings by Nessie, poems by Bella, and music from Edward. I smiled, and hugged them all one last time.

As my family left, I turned to Carlisle. "We are so lucky to have such a wonderful family, "I whispered. He nodded, then whispered,

"Do you want to know what my present is?" he then captured my lips with a gentle kiss. "We still have an n hour before the limo picks you up and…"

I gasped a little, and made sure the door was locked. "That will be plenty of time…" I growled, lying him down on the bed.

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5 hours later

As the limo pulled up to the house, I looked outside eagerly. I wanted to see what the house looked like, and if it needed any remodeling. Maybe that could be one of my new rules. The two story house was small, but messy. Toys lay on the front lawn, and all the bushes and shrubs were unkempt. With the camera's following me, I stepped out of the limo, and trod upon a toy that squeaked under my shoe. "This family needs to learn how to clean" I said out loud, for the camera's benefit.

I entered the house, being careful of where I stepped. I saw and smelt dog air everywhere. Oh great, they had a dog. Or 2. I peeked into the kitchen and saw dirty dishes piled high in the sink. "They didn't even clean up for a guest, huh?" I muttered, but the camera got it all. I walked into the family room, and saw beer cans, pop bottles, and empty wrappers everywhere. "They definitely need to clean up!" I said, louder this time. I headed upstairs, and saw a hallway with four doors. The first held a queen bed, and looked like the master bedroom. They had a large TV, and a mini fridge.

"Wow, I guess they like to eat, "I said, as I left the room. I looked into the second room, and saw…chaos. The bed wasn't made, clothes were littered all over the floor, and pictures of swimsuit models adorned the walls. "A boy…probably a teenager." I said. I wondered if he was like Emmett.

The third room held a bathroom, and the fourth was what looked like a guest room. Probably mine. At least that was clean. "They must not go in here often, the room is so clean!" I laughed, and walked back downstairs.

On the kitchen table was the mom's guide. I sat down in a chair, and started reading.

_Dear new mom,_

_My name is Allison Baker. My husband Mike and I have one, charming 15 year old son, Hudson. He is a sophomore at the local high school, and I think he enjoys it. He does not participate in any sports, but he does go paintballing with his friends once a week. _

I stopped. I forgot to put in that my kids don't play sports, either. Oh well. I went back to the note.

_My husband and I do not believe in chores, but we do go to church once a week. Also, my husband hunts a lot. There is plenty of fresh meat in the freezer, feel free to take some!_

_Sincerely,_

_Allison Baker_

After I had read the entire guide out loud, I looked up to the camera. "This family needs to learn about chores, and they need to have a bit more control over their son."

I then excused myself to the bathroom, so I could be away from the cameras for a minute. I lay my head against the tiled wall, and hoped that my family back home was having an okay time. I looked at the joke book Emmett gave me, and read a joke to myself, and I cheered right up. I felt better as I walked out of the bathroom and waited for the new family to arrive.

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They arrived ten minutes later, and I went to the door, ready to meet them. The door opened, and a balding, pudgy man stepped through with his arm around a tall, obese boy. The man spoke first.

"Hello, my name is Mike Baker, and this is my son, Hudson."

I shook both of their hands, and introduced myself. "My name is Esme Cullen. My husband, Carlisle, and I have 7 children, and I hope we have a good week together."

Both of their eyes bugged out of their head when I said seven children. I smiled at that, and Mike led me to the guest bedroom, where I would be staying. They left quickly, and I set my suitcase down, and sat down on the bed. The assistant producer came over and said,

"Mrs. Cullen, we will officially begin tomorrow morning, so please relax and rest until then." With that, he left the room, and I fell against the bed, already missing my crazy family.

**Please excuse any spelling mistakes, but I am exhausted!!! REVIEW!!!!**


	3. Allison Baker's POV

**Please enjoy the crazy Cullen's!!!**

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight…._

(EmPOV)

All of us were cleaning the house, again. Jake was currently upstairs taking a shower. We had told him about the wife swap, and he had agreed to stay with us for the next two weeks. Nessie was ecstatic; Rose was mad. I had tried to calm her, but she really hated Jake.

We had just been told to leave the house for a couple of hours while the new mom explored. We had decided to go hunting, but we were on edge the whole time.

(Allison Baker POV)

I already missed Hudson. My poor baby. I hoped he would get enough to eat. My mind was running around in circles when the limo stopped.

I looked out the window and gasped. There was a gigantic, 3 story house in front of me. The lawn was well cared for, unlike mine. I walked up to the front door, and stepped inside. There was a large foyer, with beautiful paintings on the walls. I walked to the kitchen-spotless. The family room had a large TV, which I immediately went over to. They had a huge shelf full of DVD's and I picked some up, examining them. I remembered the camera's, and said quickly, "They keep a very clean house, and it is very pretty." I mentally scolded myself. That's the best I could come up with? The house was pretty? Ugh.

I climbed the stairs, and entered the first room I saw. The first thing I said was, "This is really pink". And it was. Everything was a neon shade of pink. The room was fairly large, with two twin beds and a large closet. I opened the closet, and there were racks and racks of clothes along the walls. It was a walk-in, and it was huge. I didn't know why they needed so many clothes, though. I went to the next room, and was greeted by a more…normal room. This one had less color, but it looked nice. This also had 2 beds, and a desk in-between. The third room had a shelf of music, along with one large bed. How many kids did this family have? The fourth room held a bunk bed, and was definitely a boy's room. There was one bathroom I the entire upstairs, and I wondered how they managed in the mornings. The last room was a beautiful master bedroom. It had a large king sized bed with steps leading up to it. I wondered privately how much this family made at their jobs.

I headed back downstairs, and read the guide for the new family. "SEVEN KIDS???? They must be out of their mind! How old are these people?" I wondered aloud. I realized I said that for the camera's to hear, and I blushed.

The doorbell rang, and I jumped up, hurrying to go meet these new people. I opened the door, and eight of the most beautiful people I had ever seen breezed in, followed by a russet haired, very big teen. They all smiled at me, and introduced themselves.

The shortest one, with short black hair came up and gave me a big hug. She handed me a bouquet of flowers as she said, "Hi! I'm Alice Cullen!"

I smiled at her exuberance, and a tall, blond boy walked up to me and shook my hand. "Hi, I'm Jasper, ma'am" he drawled in a gorgeous southern accent. He was beautiful! I swooned, and I swore I saw the young bronze haired boy behind him laugh. He was also the next one to introduce himself.

"Hey, I'm Edward Cullen." He had the most dazzling topaz eyes ever. I felt myself falling into his mesmerizing gaze, when abruptly I was picked up off the ground by a large, boisterous man.

"Emmett Cullen! Nice to meet you new mom!" I laughed, but was a little astonished. I was surprised a teenager could pick me up. I was on the…large size, you could say. (**No offense to anyone out there! I just wanted her to be surprised how strong they were!)** He put me down, and a blond teenager behind him, barely looking at me, introduced herself.

"Rosalie Hale." She said uninterestedly. Before I could think much of her bored introduction, a soft voice said,

"Hi, I'm Bella Cullen, and this is Nessie." I looked over to see a lovely face looking at me, with a younger girl smiling. I went over to the younger one, and smiled at her, and said,

"You must be Nessie. "She nodded, but then replied snippily,

"You can call me Renesmee, too, before you actually know me. You know, because Jake made up the name, and you would have to ask his permission…" I was offended, before I remembered she was only eight. The guy next to her laughed, and she added, "This is Jake." I smiled at him, and he nodded, before picking Nessie up, and placing her on his large shoulders.

I stood back and the most handsome man I had ever seen walked up to me. "Hi, I'm Carlisle Cullen. Hope you enjoy your stay." My heart stuttered, and I had to think hard to get a reply.

"Yeah, my name is…Allison Baker, and it's nice to be here." All of them nodded, and led to me to the family room so we could talk.

Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper sat on the couch, with Alice perched on the arm. Edward and Bella sat on the loveseat, Nessie on their laps. Jake sat on the floor, and Carlisle sat in the big easy chair. I took the armchair, and told them a bit about myself. "My husband, Mike, and I have a beautiful son named Hudson, who is 15. Mike works as a Web site designer, and I am a stay at home mom."

Carlisle spoke, in a magnificent British accent. "My wife, Esme and I, have adopted all these children, except Jake. He is a family friend. I work as a surgeon, and Esme is a wedding planner. She also designs gardens for magazines."

Wow. A doctor and a wedding planner? That's why they have all the money! Edward snorted, or so I thought, but when I looked at him, he was whispering something to Nessie.

They all brought me to outside, and led me to a small guest house on the edge of their property. "This is where you will be staying," Carlisle said. "Please make yourself comfortable." I nodded, and went inside.

There was a quaint little sitting room, a small bedroom, and a beautiful bathroom that was already furnished with body products. It had a exquisite bedroom, that had a picturesque view of a garden.

One of the camera men told me to relax and rest before the first official day of the swap, which was tomorrow. I nodded, and that night I dreamt of the Cullen's.

**Please Review! I love to hear your comments! Also, if you review, you will get a sneak preview of the next chapter!**


	4. Cullen's Day 1 Part 1

**I finished before vacation!!! YEAH!!!Hey, would you guys like to hear more about the Cullen's, or an equal amount about them and the Baker's? Please tell me, because I have no clue what you guys want, I can't read minds, I'm no Edward….Please ENJOY!**

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything Twilight!_

(Allison POV)

At five o'clock in the morning, someone knocked on the guest house door. I jumped; I was in the middle of a very nice dream including me, Carlisle, and a romantic candlelight dinner…I rushed to get the door, in my sweat pants and T shirt, pulling a sweatshirt over my head as I went.

"Hello?" I said as I opened the door. There stood Carlisle (_sigh_) and a cameraman, camera on. I realized I was in my sweats, and blushed profusely. Carlisle chuckled.

"I was going to wake you up, this is usually when Esme wakes up…" he said, smiling at me. _Oh God, that smile!_

I nodded, "One minute, please. While I get dressed?" It came out as a question.

Carlisle nodded. "I'll be at the main house, see you in a few." Then, he left, and I watched him walk away, but then I realized the camera was trained on me. _Great, they recorded me ogling him. Just great._ I stood with the camera man for a minute, and then I got dressed, and headed toward the house.

The camera followed, and I made small talk, so the camera would have something to record. "Well, I never wake up this early; I hope I don't have to go to bed late. I wonder how hard it is to get the kids up in the morning…Hudson takes at least ten minutes…"I kept talking until I realized I was rambling, and promptly shut up. I reached the back door of the main house, when suddenly a big dog came up to me, tail wagging. It looked at me for a second, sniffed, and then ran away, howling. I stared at the place on the patio where it had been, confused. _Must have been a stray._ I shook it off, but resolved to ask someone about it later. I stepped through the door to find Carlisle taking a carton of eggs out of the fridge. There were already pancakes sizzling on the stove, and my mouth watered.

I walked toward him, and he turned. "Oh, hey. Do you like eggs?" he held up the carton and I nodded. "Good. I'm making breakfast for you and Jake."

"Not the others?" I asked.

"Um…no. Jake wakes up earlier, and the others usually grab a granola bar at school." I nodded, that seemed fine. They were pretty slim, anyway. I asked him if he had anything to drink, like juice or something. "Yeah, just look in the fridge; I think we have Apple Juice or something…."

I looked, and sure enough, they had apple, cranberry, and orange juice. "I'll just have some OJ,"I said, as I took the carton out.

"OJ? What's that?" Carlisle asked, his brow crinkled.

"Orange juice? You've never heard of OJ? C'mon, that's a common phrase. It's like you were born a hundred years ago or something," I teased him as he sat back down. He laughed, and I heard a loud guffaw behind me. I turned to see Jake, striding into the kitchen.

"Yeah, Carlisle, are you sure you weren't born in a different century?" he asked, as he pounded Carlisle's arm with his fist. They both laughed, it was probably an inside joke or something.

Jake looked at the pancakes, and grabbed one right of the griddle. He ate in one bite, I was surprised. "Didn't that burn you?"

"No." He looked at Carlisle. "They were done, and I didn't touch the stove or anything…"He looked nervous, and I felt bad so I let it go.

A couple of minute's later Carlisle handed me a plate full of eggs, bacon, and pancakes. "Thanks," I said, already digging in. Jakes plate was the larger than mine, yet he went up for seconds, and thirds! I sat amazed, until Carlisle tapped me on the shoulder.

"Do you want to go up and wake the kids? It won't take much, they are light sleepers."

"Sure," I said, putting my plate in the sink, and heading upstairs. I knocked on the first door, and Alice stepped out of it, fully dressed, with Rose following behind.

"I had to get up a long time ago! I had to pick out my clothes and everything!" she said, answering my unspoken question. I nodded numbly, and headed to the next door. I knocked once, and Bella came to the door with her finger on her lips.

"Nessie gets to sleep a little later" she whispered, and I nodded. I remembered that from Esme's guide.

Emmett, Jasper, and Edward woke up nicely, and I was already jealous. _I wish Hudson would get up this early, _I thought enviously. I brushed the thought aside, and walked downstairs, to hear the sound of hilarious laughing.

(RPOV)

Alice and I crept down the hallway to Emmett and Jasper's new room. We opened the door, and leapt inside to our husbands waiting arms. I cuddled against Emmett, and Alice curled up in Jasper's arms.

It was eleven at night, so Nessie, Jake and that…human were all asleep. The cameras also weren't rolling, so I knew everyone was otherwise occupied at the moment. Carlisle was probably in his room, talking to Esme on his cell, but at vampire speed. I also knew that Bella and Edward were texting, while Nessie and Jake slept. Alice and I were bored, and we missed our hubbies. So we escaped our pink room, and found ourselves here.

Emmett kissed me, gently at first, and then it grew more passionate. I remembered Alice and Jasper were in the room, so I pulled away, to se Alice in the same position I was in. We looked at each other, and burst out laughing. Alice put a finger to her lips.

"You get this room, and I get ours?" She whispered. I nodded, and she and Jasper raced away, leaving me with Emmett.

"Now, where were we?" I whispered, kissing his jaw.

(The next morning)

At about four o'clock, Alice and Jasper came back, so we could go back into our "proper" rooms. We raced back to our room, and just hung around, got dressed, and waited for morning. We heard a knock on our door, and we jumped up. Alice answered the door, talked to the new mom, and walked out. I followed, hoping to catch another kiss before school. I went out into the hallway, to find Emmett waiting for me, his curly hair neatly combed. I smiled, and kissed his lips quickly before turning away.

"Hey, everyone!" Alice whispered, before any of us could head downstairs. "You want to play a trick on the new mom?" Everyone nodded, and we put our heads together to figure it out. After we were done planning, we all burst out laughing, and headed downstairs.

**Any ideas for the trick(s)???Review!!!**


	5. Baker's Day 1

**Hey you guys! I'm so sorry I was gone so long, but I was at a family reunion without a computer, and then a camp, again with no computer. I had honestly hours to pack between the two, and I had no time to write….Enough with the excuses…Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own "Twilight" **

(EsPOV)

I was on the phone with my darling Carlisle all night, waiting for the fateful day to begin. I had made my room homier, putting the joke book and my other presents on the dresser in the room, and unpacking my clothes. I took a shower, and read Rosalie's gardening book until the sun came up. It was slightly cloudy today, which was good if I had to go out of the house.

At six in the morning, a knock came on my door, and I opened it, rubbing my eyes, to give the illusion of tiredness. A camera man was there, along with Mike. He invited me downstairs, and I told him I had to get dressed, and then I would. I quickly changed into a pair of dark wash jeans, and a light purple T shirt. I put my hair into a loose bun, and headed downstairs.

I heard Hudson talking to his father in the kitchen, so I headed in there. Mike and Hudson had bowls of cereal in front of them, and there was a large golden retriever sniffing around the floor. I bent down to pet him, but he growled, and backed away, his hair standing up. Oops. Dogs must not like vampires. I had never had much experience with them, anyway. I chuckled slightly, and slid into the seat across from Mike.

"Uh, grab a bowl and some Mini Wheat's….milk in the fridge…" Mike muttered, not looking up from his newspaper. Hudson was staring at me, his tongue about to loll out of his mouth.

"Hi," he breathed. I smiled at him, shuddering at his hormones. I got myself some food, and settled down to pretend to eat it.

(Hudson POV)

Dad woke me up at six, and I got dressed, and ran downstairs, extremely hungry. All we had was cereal, though. I groaned, but started to eat. Dad walked in and announced that he had woken up the new mom. The new mom. She was gorgeous. I wondered how old she was, but then remembered that was one of the questions you never asked a woman. Dad taught me all of them. He says he learned the hard way.

"Dad, what's the new mom's name again?"

"Esme," he grunted, getting the newspaper out. Esme. What a perfect name. At that moment, she glided into the kitchen, with a beautiful purple top on, and her hair piled on the top of her hair. She was gorgeous, even in the morning.

"Hi," I said, starting a conversation. She smiled at me-That Smile!- and got some cereal. I continued staring at her, but then realized that those camera's were watching me. I snapped out of it, and continued to eat my cereal.

As I drank the last drop of milk from my bowl, Esme stood up. "What does Allison do now?" she asked Dad, who told her to drop me off at school. She nodded, and led me out of the room. She followed me out to the car, and we were on our way. She drove pretty fast, though.

"Uh…Mrs. Cullen? Esme? New Mom? You're going pretty fast…" I managed to get out as I was staring at the speedometer.

"What? Oh, yes," she said, as if she hadn't realized. I stared at her for a second, not all from awe, and turned my attention to other parts of her gorgeous body. A couple of minutes, we arrived at the front of the school.

I shifted from foot to foot, and said quietly, "My mom usually kisses me goodbye now…," I leaned toward her, but she shook her head.

"Don't push it," she said slyly, winking. Then all I saw was a trail of dust from the gravel.

**I know this chapter was short, but I will try to update soon. Was that too unlike Esme? Please review! I need more ideas! But, Vampiric Dragonrider, I might use your idea!!! Oh, and a note to you, I still have that song stuck in my head. My sister has been singing it all week! "Come creature, out of the woods…" UGH!!!**


	6. Cullen's day 1 part 2

**Thank you for all your reviews! Sorry I haven't updated in so long, either…Thank you to "Hallie" for her wonderful idea! **

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight…_

(Allison POV)

When all the children came down from laughing upstairs, I turned to them. "How do you guys get to school? The bus?" All of them laughed. Bella answered.

"No, we usually drive our cars. We have to go now, though." I nodded, and followed them out to their garage. Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper got into a beautiful red convertible, Rosalie driving. Edward and Bella got into a silver Volvo, and both cars high tailed it out of the garage. I stared after them for a second, and then walked back into the house. In the living room, Nessie, still in pajamas, was in Jake's lap, and he was stroking her hair.

Jake looked up as I entered. "She just woke up," he explained. "She is still really tired." He went back to stroking her hair, but it seemed much more intimate for a friend relationship. I frowned at them for a second, but then Nessie noticed me.

", do I have to go to school today? I really don't want to!" She had a perfect puppy dog face on, but Hudson had done the same thing to me as a child.

"No. You have to learn. I'm sure your Mom and Dad would agree. After all, you only go to school once!" She nodded, smiling, but I could see Jake's back shaking, probably from laughter. I didn't know why, though.

"Yep, Ness. Only once." He laughed, and they both dissolved into laughter. I stared at them for a moment, but then exited the room, and into the kitchen to do the dishes. I walked into the room, but there were no dirty dishes anywhere. The dishwasher was humming, and the sink was sparkling. All the pots and pans were put away, and there was nothing for me to do.

I figured Jake must have done it to be nice, so I shrugged and headed to the basement to do laundry. When I got there, I found a note on top of the washing machine.

_Mrs. Baker,_

_Some of my clothes are designer, and they are not supposed to go in the washing machine. Some have to be hand dried, and I will send some more to the cleaner's. PLEASE READ ALL THE TAGS BEFORE YOU PUT ANYTHING IN THE WASH!!!!_

_Thank you,_

_Alice Cullen_

I laughed, but followed her instructions. Who would be so picky about clothes? I followed her directions, and soon I had a hamper full of "hand wash clothes" along with two hampers of normal wash ones. I supposed, with so many people, laundry might be a hassle. I hated laundry. I decided that next week, the kids would have to do it.

I also realized that I had to be stricter. These kids were probably used to getting what they wanted, because they had so much money, but not everyone in the world live that way. I certainly didn't. I resolved that I would be stricter, make them all eat a proper breakfast on the weekend instead of granola bars, and they should do the laundry.

After the laundry, I checked all the kids' rooms, but the beds were made. I had nothing to do. A gardening crew had come in for the garden, so I didn't have any outdoor chores. I checked their kitchen for food, making a shopping list for the week. They had quite a lot, but I wanted to get some ingredients for dinners I wanted to plan.

I went to the store, got my food, and after I had stored it all away in the kitchen, I decided to explore their house. Jake had dropped Nessie off at school, and gone off to talk with his friends. In the living room, they had a beautiful piano, and a fireplace. They had shelves of pictures along the walls, and I went to look at them.

There were pictures of Carlisle and his wife, I supposed, in costumes. They were 70's style outfits, so I guessed they were at a costume party. They also had a beautiful wedding picture up. There were pictures of Bella, Edward, Nessie, and Jake, all lying on the floor reading. There was another of Edward holding a small child, who I assumed was Nessie. There was another exactly like it, but Bella was in the photo instead of Edward.

Come to think of it, there were no pictures of any of the other children as young kids. I saw a couple of recent pictures, but they looked like they were just taken yesterday. Behind one of those new ones, I saw a corner of another picture behind it. It was of Alice and Jasper. At a wedding. _Their _wedding. Alice was in a wedding dress, Jasper in a tux, and I saw Rosalie, Emmett, Edward, Carlisle, and his wife in the background. There was no sign of Bella or Nessie.

I stared at the picture, unbelieving. Alice and Jasper weren't married…were they? I shook my head and figured it was probably a joke. I wasn't sure, though. I set the picture down, and half ran to the door leading to their garden. I needed time to think, and sleep. That was it. I didn't get enough sleep. As I opened, the door, I heard a _whoosh_, and a load of slimy things landed on me.

I shrieked, and stepped back. Doing so, I stepped on a cord that pulled the rug out from under me, making me fall onto the floor. The kids, I thought angrily. I carefully examined the slimy thing. It was a frog. A plastic frog. I got up from the floor extremely mad. This was unacceptable. I could have hurt myself.

I let the plastic frogs stay where they were, planning on having the kids pick them up later. Oh, they were going to be in trouble!

(APOV)

I watched the scene with Allison and the frogs unfold in my mind. It was lunchtime, and all my siblings were watching me with wide eyes.

"It worked!" I said triumphantly, grinning. Everyone cheered, but I had bad news, as well. "Guys! We have a problem, though." Everyone quieted down, and Edward frowned, reading my mind. "She found Jasper and my wedding picture! She thinks she is just tired, but she was also wondering why you weren't in it, Bella. After all, that was taken before you were born…"

Bella laughed, but quieted down, realizing the impact of the situation. "We'll just say it was for Halloween," I invented wildly, before telling them more about the frogs. Allison hadn't decided on her punishment yet, but I was sure it wasn't going to be good.

**Review, please! They make me write faster!!!**


	7. Baker's day 1 part 2

**Thank you for all your awesome reviews! "Hallie", you idea will probably be in the next chapter, sorry…Next Chapter! ENJOY!**

_Disclaimer- I'm not SM…blah._

(Esme POV)

As I sped away from the school, I laughed. I couldn't believe I had just done that. My phone beeped, and I saw I had gotten a text from Alice, saying

**Good one, Mom! He's in shock!**

**A**

I laughed even more, and luckily it was a cloudy day, so I could enjoy the breeze. I rolled my window down, and blasted my country music. I just needed Carlisle, and then I would be perfect. No, scratch that. I would need my entire family, including my wonderful children, my grandchild, and even Jake.

I thought about Renesmee for a minute. When I was first changed, I was amazed I had a child, Edward. I never thought I would have more. Rose, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper were the best gift anyone could give me. When Bella came along, again I was astounded. I was so proud of my first vampire son, and I welcomed Bella with open arms. When we found out Bella was pregnant, I was even happier, if that was possible. Children were a beautiful blessing. But a grandchild, in a family of vampires…I shook my head with disbelief. I remember the night after Bella and Edward came home from their honeymoon; I just lay in Carlisle's arms, sobbing. Or, as close as I could get to the actual action.

When Nessie was born I was so happy, but when Jacob imprinted, it made me wonder even more. I had a family, with everything I could ask for and more! Yes, life was good.

Even with this Wife Swap, I was happy. It was a new experience, and I might learn something, which was good. If you have lived for so long, you tended to relearn things.

Anyway, I snapped back to reality, and looked at my surroundings. I knew I had home soon, but I gave myself a few more minutes to drive. Beside, one of my favorite songs was on! It was sung by a male group, Montgomery Gentry, but the lyrics were always powerful in my mind. When the chorus came on, I sang at the top of my lungs.

**So** **now I'm slowing it down and I'm looking around  
And I'm lovin' this town and I'm doing alright  
Aint' worried 'bout nothing (ex)cept for the man I wanna be  
I'm thinking maybe it's time to be livin' the rhyme  
When I'm singing a song about nothing but right  
And it'd sure be nice if you would roll with me**

I loved that song! I listened to the rest, and then the station cut to commercial. I sighed, and pulled into the Baker's driveway. Ugh. How could they be so messy?

Mike was gone, but the dishes weren't done, and none of the laundry was clean, either. The dog was in his crate, shying away from me. The cameras were also here, so I went downstairs to do the laundry at a human speed. I put a load in the wash, and trudged upstairs. There was a pile of dirty plates and bowls from today's breakfast lying in the sink, along with dirty glasses scattered all over. I reached under the cupboard, where I could smell the dish soap, and got to work. I turned the water to hot, and plunged my hands in. Hot water didn't bother me. As soon as my hands went under the steady stream of water, the water turned cold!

I made quick work of the dishes, but resolved to clean the whole house. I did another load of laundry before scrubbing down the kitchen, cleaning the stove and the inside of the microwave.

Then, I searched the house for some toilet bowl cleaner for the bathroom, but they didn't seem to have any. Huh. I quickly compiled a grocery list, and I went off to find the things I needed.

When I got home, I cleaned the bathroom. When I was done with it, the mirror sparkled, and the bath shone. I washed the other one, and then went outside to do some yard work. I weeded the garden, picked up bikes and toys, picked up the dogs poop, and mowed the grass. After all that was done, I cleaned the rest of the house, and went upstairs to take a shower. The camera's followed me all the way up the stairs. As I neared the bathroom, I held up my hand. "You are not coming in with me!" I said fiercely.

One of the guys nodded, but another opened his mouth, about to say something. The manager clapped a hand over the guy's mouth. "Gary, _**Mrs.**_ Cullen needs her privacy. You have chased every single hot girl on this show…" he muttered. He looked at me, his face red, and walked away quickly. I laughed.

As the warm pounding of the water hit my back, I immediately relaxed. It felt so good. So calming. In my shower back home, I had installed six different jets, so the water would hit you wherever you were. I loved that shower.

I had brought my strawberry shampoo and freesia body soap to remind me of Bella. I already missed my family. I decided to think about what the rules for next week would be. The Baker's were messy, unhealthy, and didn't take care of their dog well. Things needed to change. For one, Hudson would have to get more responsibilities. I'd only known him a day, but he still seemed like he had no chores. He also was hormone riddled. He was drooling over me the entire morning at breakfast in the car on our way to his school. I was a grown, married woman for gosh sakes!

Another thought made me smile. Also he was 15, and I was almost 100 years old!

I guess I had been in the shower for awhile, because there was a knock on the bathroom door, and a voice called," Mrs. Cullen? Are you alright? You've been in there for almost an hour!"

"Yes," I called back, turning of the water and grabbing my towel."I'll be right out!" I dried myself off quickly, and changed into the clothes I had brought into the bathroom with me, because my other ones had gotten all dirty.

I pulled on a new pair of jeans, and forest green tank top. Over that, I draped a sweater.

I went to look at myself in the mirror, but it was steamed up. I ran my hand across it, and was rewarded with a squeaky noise. I brushed my hair, and walked out of the bathroom, to find cameras rolling, all pointing at me.

"You're lucky I didn't come out in a towel," I joked, walking back to my room, and I heard one man mutter to his colleague,

"We would have been lucky! Have you seen anyone as hot as her? Those legs? That-" The producer slapped a hand on his mouth for the second time today before he could say anything else.

I permitted myself a small smile, before collapsing on my bed. I could have been comfortable standing, but hey, stressful times called for desperate measures. I pulled out a book, settled down on the bed, and started reading. Before I knew it, an hour had passed.

I got up, and glanced at the clock. Uh oh. Mike was going to be home soon. I ran downstairs, and started to cook dinner. I decided on something simple, pasta and salad. I put some water on to boil, and grabbed a loaf of bread I had bought, and cut it up and put it in a bowl. The water was boiling, so I put the penne pasta in, and set the timer.

While the pasta was cooking, I made the salad. I chopped up carrots, cucumbers, radishes, and garbanzo beans and put it into three bowls.

The pasta was just finishing, so I drained it and put it back into the pot with some oil to keep the pasta from sticking together.

I set the table, quickly, so I could get it done before Mike and Hudson came home. Hudson had told me he was going out with some friends on the way to school and his dad would pick him up, so it wouldn't be a problem.

As I set the last fork on the table, the door opened, and in stepped Mike and Hudson.

"Mmm, smells good," Mike said appreciatively, eyeing the table. Hudson nodded, and gaped at me for a second. They took their shoes off, and both began to sit down for dinner.

"No! Wash your hands first!" I told them sternly, pointing to the sink. They both got up grudgingly, and quickly washed their grubby hands. They sat back down again, looking at me, making sure they didn't forget anything. I smiled at them, telling them that it was okay.

Both of the humans seemed to enjoy my dinner, and luckily they were to busy eating to focus on me, who was trying to get away without eating any of this disgusting food. I gave some to the dog, but I had to force myself to eat a few bites of salad. Disgusting. I could feel the food just sitting in my stomach, not going anywhere. I'd have to throw it up later…

The rest of the dinner went uneventfully, and when the humans went off to bed, I crawled into mine, and texted Carlisle goodnight. He called me, and we talked for hours about our first days. When the sun came up, we both said our goodbyes, and pretended to get up to start a new day.

**Do you like it? Hate it? This was one of my longest chapters! Thank me by sending me a review…Love you all!**


	8. Cullen's Day 1 part 3

**Ummmm…well, hi! *ducks flying objects* Ok, ok, I've been gone for…2 years…oops. Well, I'm back! Please enjoy and review!**

**Cullen day 1 part 3**

(Allison POV)

At 3:30 sharp, I heard the door open. I turned off the TV I was watching and stomped to the front door, picking up the plastic frog next to me.

"What is this?" I growled, staring the teenagers down, holding the plastic frog in front of their faces. "They landed on me and I almost fell! I could have seriously hurt myself. You better have a good explanation for this!"

Emmett spoke first, grinning. "Well, new mom, I love to play pranks and I thought it would be a good way to welcome you to our home."

I glared. "Well, thanks for the thought, but someone could hurt themselves! You need to be punished."

He looked down, ashamed. Behind him, I saw Jasper and Alice snickering. "What's so funny?" I yelled. "You wanted me to get hurt? You enjoy seeing your brother getting punished?"

Jasper shrugged and Alice nodded. "Yeah, Emmett _never _gets caught on his pranks so I want to see him punished!"

I smiled tightly, but was still seething inside. "Emmett, you will clean all these plastic frogs, and …" I stopped and turned to Edward. "What is his least favorite food?"

He laughed loudly and said "Green beans. Emmett hates green beans." He grinned widely.

I nodded, and turned to the other boy. "Ok. Emmett, I will make green beans tonight and you will have to eat an entire serving of them, understood?"

Next to me, every single member of the Cullen family was laughing. Jasper was leaning on the wall, slapping his knee and grinning. Alice was giggling and she almost fell to the floor, she was laughing so hard. Nessie, who had just entered the room, was gasping for air as she and Bella leaned against each other for support.

Jake entered the room after picking Nessie up from school, and tossed his car keys on the coffee table. "What's so funny?" he asked, smiling at the scene in front of him.

"Emmett has to clean up plastic frogs and eat green beans for his punishment for playing a prank on me earlier," I told him. He stared at me for a moment then burst out laughing. His laughs were the loudest and I wanted to cover my ears. What was so funny?

Emmett stared at me, his face crestfallen. "Mrs. Baker, I REALLY hate green beans! Can I please do something else for my punishment? Please?"

The vindictive side of me was deliriously happy. His punishment would be something he actually didn't want to do. "No," I answered him. "Those frogs could have been dangerous. If someone slipped on them, they could break their neck. You need to be careful!"

He sighed, looking down. "Fine" he ground out. He glared at his siblings and went dejectedly to the family room to clean up his mess.

For dinner that night, I served baked potatoes, roast pork and green beans. I watched Emmett carefully as he ate his vegetables. He choked them down, grimacing the whole time. I was so busy watching him, that I missed the rest of the Cullen's discreetly placing their untouched food in their napkins.

After dinner the kids went up to their rooms to do homework, and I smiled to myself. Hopefully that would teach Emmett not to play pranks on me again.

**I know it's short, but I wanted to get something out. Please review!**


	9. Update

**Quick update- my computer decided to be an idiot, and deleted my entire account, including all my pics and documents. I share this laptop with my sis, and it kept her account, but deleted MINE. ARGHHHHHHHHHHH! **

**I had started the next chapter of Wife Swap, but now I have to start over. Hopefully it will be done soon, but I just wanted to tell you guys what is going on.**

**Lovelypurplefairy**


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